is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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