btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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