Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
