Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
