I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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