Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
