Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
