nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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