hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
