Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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