Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
