is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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