Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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