I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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