At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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