He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
