I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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