Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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