i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
a search helicopter?!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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