I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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