Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
