Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
