Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
