Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
