please come you make the beer taste better
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
