If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
