I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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