I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
