so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
