We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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