Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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