I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
