What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
