My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
