i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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