My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
