plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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