That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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