my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher