I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
