genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"