Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.