No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
