she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
