A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
