I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
