I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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