quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
