she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
