Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
