Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
