sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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