omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
