Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
