This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
