Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
