Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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