haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cut my penus on the lid.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
