i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
