you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
