what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
