Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
