she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
