two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
