I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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