pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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