Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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